Wednesday, 20 September 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 09/20/17

You know what I haven’t done in YEARS? A good old-fashioned murder mystery. One targeted murder, a full investment in the victim’s family, several reasonable suspects for the police to arrest, and so much unnecessary drama. I thought about this last week on my way home from work. I would need to find someone easy with lots of “friends” with a motive.

I’ve been watching this woman at a local coffee shop.

You know I’ve never put much stock in the old coffee shop trope but routines are important when hunting for victims. Any good killer knows that. So I’ve been watching this woman at a local coffee shop – wasting tens of dollars on slightly burnt pumpkin spice – and I think she might be the one.

She comes in every day at the same time with this man who looks at least 20 years older. He always pays for whatever she orders. She always kisses him on the cheek and smiles lovingly. But as soon as he gets up, she’s on her phone. I came in on Sunday and she was there alone; still on her phone. There were a few other people I recognized but no one did more than nod in her direction. The entire time she was there, though, she didn’t order anything. She sat at that table for hours. I played so many games of solitaire on my laptop – I officially suck at solitaire by the way – and then around 5pm she just left. Monday morning, she was back with her elderly gentleman. It was odd.

I’m headed there before work to see what she’s up to. I suspect more sitting and texting. Should be very entertaining. Maybe I’ll give it a week before striking up a conversation. I need to know what I’m getting myself into.

In the meantime, I figure one or two kills a week will keep me going. I find when I’m working on a long project like this, I need to blow off steam; do something that’s not necessarily challenging or mentally engaging, but fun.

Me-time is very important to mental health, dear readers. If I’ve taught you anything over the years – it’s probably not mental health. But if I’VE learned anything about certain trips to the psychiatric ward, it’s that you can’t cut yourself off completely from the things you enjoy.

Projects like this are hard but the reward is 10 times what a regular kill offers. Still, keeping up the routine is just as important for killers as it is for victims. Familiarity breeds contentment. That’s the phrase right? I’m pretending it is.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 13 September 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 09/13/17

You guys are lucky to even get an update this week. I remembered it was Wednesday as I was walking out the door and I’m typing this in the 15 minutes before anyone else gets in and catches me writing at work.

Let’s see…

The world is in chaos.

I’m killing at a fairly consistent pace.

Jason is working.

James is working.

I’m working.

It’s all…working.


I’m sorry, dear readers. I am just not in the mood to write a fluffy update when I have nothing to write about. Sometimes everyday things just aren’t exciting. Sometimes I don’t want to tell you about my day. It feels like there HAS to be something interesting each week but there just isn’t.

You know, I started this blog as a way to express my dark urges and share my murderous whimsy but it feels like more of a chore some days.

I know that’s why I forced this weekly deadline on myself – so I wouldn’t bottle anything up, and I could share everything safely, and document my life. But on the days when I don’t have to overwhelming urge to express myself, these updates can feel forced.

Maybe I…

Maybe I need to find something exciting to write about.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 09/06/17

And thus begins the months of business hell. September is when we have to keep every record, make sure storage is cleared and organized, and store every little detail on file. It’s when we hoard everything and simultaneously clear the decks. It’s when we hire a lot of temps.

Ah temps: the necessary evil.

Now, I’ve done it. I’ve worked the odd hours and done the jobs no one else would do just to pay rent. I get it. I hated it. But if a temp isn’t good at their job it makes life so much harder. Meet Sally the Temp. She tries hard…that’s about it. Two days, and I have spent more time fixing her mistakes than I have doing my own work. Well, technically Heather has spent all that time fixing Sally’s mistakes. I may as well officially lend my assistant to babysitting the temps. She’s going to hate me when I tell her today. As long as she keeps Sally away from my desk for 5 minutes today, it’ll be worth it.

I am determined not to kill any of the temps until all the work is done. I’m trying to be a little more considerate of my fellow coworkers. They may not kill to vent their frustrations but plenty of them have their own little…quirks.

Like Roger who wears women’s underwear for “good luck” when his team is playing. Or Christine who has a written warning about watching porn at work that I’m absolutely not supposed to know anything about. Or Kal who knits during his lunch break (the secret is, he’s really bad at it). Or Dana who pours a little bit of alcohol into every single cup of coffee she drinks. I’ve yet to find the source of her drinking habit, but I’m sure it’s a good one.

I know I shouldn’t gossip about my coworkers and normally I don’t care unless it’s really juicy. Honestly, office gossip is a nice distraction from the monotony of work.

And now I get why Dana drinks.

It must be so boring to be ordinary. To feel the need to develop a ritual or distraction to escape from the everyday.

I’m sorry, that sounded incredibly condescending. I sometimes forget that not everyone is so willing to accept their indulgences. People are so funny. Why shouldn’t we embrace our quirks. Granted, my quirk is technically illegal but the point stands: don’t be ashamed to be the stuff of gossip. Own your awful quirks.

This has been your daily motivation from your favourite serial killer.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 30 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/30/17

Not much to report this week. I’m trying to enjoy the warm weather while it’s still here. It seems like half the office is off on vacation – though, in reality, it’s only two. It was just two of the productive ones. Everything has been quiet at home. I know I haven’t talked about them in a while but that’s just because everything is okay.

I think we’re out of milk.

That’s as crazy as it gets right now. I think I’ve talked about this before but lulls aren’t bad. It’s when you start obsessing that lulls become dangerous. I suppose that’s true of everything; if you let it consume your thoughts it’ll take over every part of you.

Look at me, with the semi-clever lines.

As I said; all’s well.


I cannot think about it; the lull. Like a calm before the storm. This happens every time and yet I never learn. Maybe I never will.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/23/17

Have I ever told you about my 21st birthday murder spree? 21 is a huge time in a girl’s life. It’s a time of growth, and change. Even if it’s not a huge legal milestone, we’re still conditioned to celebrate it as a rite of passage into adulthood. This was just before I started writing this blog. I got the idea for it after this night. I wanted to be able to share my experiences without, you know, getting arrested.

My sister and I went out with some friends and got exceptionally drunk. It may have lowered my inhibitions but I certainly enjoyed myself.

It started at the first bar, then the next, then the next. We began the night with 8 friends, ended with 6. One went home. The other was found outside a McDonalds 4 blocks away. I also met some lovely strangers that night; too many to count obviously but there were certainly 5 who stayed in my memory.

The first was a bouncer at a club (that I don’t think is open anymore). It was our first stop of the night so we hadn’t had much to drink but one of the girls was very eager to get the night started right away. I took the opportunity to hold her hair back in the alleyway and scope out my first victim. While Chelsea was busy puking her guts out, I snagged the bouncer as he switched shifts. Quick and painless garroting. Always keep wire in your purse, ladies. It’s so useful.

Then there was the cab driver on the way to our third bar. I poisoned him. Heat activated capsule of boric acid in his coffee cup when he wasn’t looking.

Just kidding – though didn’t that sound cool? One thing on my bucket list is to kill someone like I was a spy in some noir story. Or like a foreign secret agent who shall not be named mostly because I’m unsure of copyright laws.

Anyways, it was way easier. While one of the girls was paying the fare, I slashed a tire and cut some sort of wire – cars were never my thing. He crashed a few blocks later and then was hit by another car when he tried to escape.

Next was the girl sitting next to us at the bar. Just before we left, I poured a cap of bleach into her drink. By that point, we were all too drunk to remember much of anything which made the police’s job so much harder – and our alibis that much easier to make up.

Lastly, there was a couple who worked at a restaurant near one of the girls’ apartments. We ordered food from them and when I stepped out for fresh air not long after, I used the wire (cleaned of course) on both of them; leaving them to be sent to the city dump and – to my knowledge – never be found.

It really was a wonderful night. Not only did I get to spend time with my friends – even if some were more interested in partying than staying together – but I got to indulge and enjoy myself on my own terms. What a night!

Sandra would have been 21 on Monday. There’s so much she’ll never get to do. So many people she’ll never get to be. What should have been a momentous day is still so filled with sadness. You are forever in my heart, my darling.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/16/17

At no point in history do I ever want to see myself as a moral superior. I kill people for sport. I find pleasure in taking other’s lives and I feel no remorse. For all intents and purposes I am a monster in society – albeit a charming and witty one – but a monster nonetheless.

I have prided myself on creating a blog that is the culmination of fantasy and reality. Not every detail is true but there’s enough to offer an insight into my daily life, and it allows me to anonymously vent my frustrations to the world.

In a life that is dark and unrelenting, I need to be reminded of my own humanity. My career and my personal life have been rather chaotic as of late. To tell you the truth, I haven’t had a completely stress-free week since I started killing; but these last few years have been particularly rough.

Losing a child – a loved one – is never easy.

Normally I would use this space to tell you about my latest kill or some ridiculous thing Heather has done this week but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve ignored a lot of world events and avoided talking about politics on this blog but too much has happened lately.

We are as close to destruction as we were at the height of the Cold War. We’ve been like that for nearly 8 months now and it’s only gotten worse. There is so much hate in the world I feel like the only sane one. I don’t know who’s worse: them or me. To kill with reason or without? I don’t discriminate in choice of victim. When I kill, it’s not because I think it’s right or good. I kill because it’s fun and I’m good at it – and if you want to do something right, you have to do it yourself.

I use a lot of humor in my writing because I am so accustomed to death and yes, that does make me a monster; but there are things worse than monsters in the world. There are things I can’t warn you against or protect my loved ones from. Sometimes it’s just over.

The reason I’m writing this is to remind you, my dear readers, to keep going. I would hate to see you stop doing what you believe in because monsters – or worse – threaten your life. But you cannot retaliate. Fighting hate with hate will only make that clock tick faster. Be more resilient than the things that would tear you down.

It’s all quiet on the home front. No more killing today.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/09/17

Short and brief today. Mostly because I am exhausted and it’s bad enough I have to stare at a computer screen all day. The heat wave has been killing me. My sleep cycle is so off and nothing has really helped it. I tried Melatonin, fans, cold compress, I even slept downstairs for a few nights but my neck severely disagreed with that. Ever since that car accident a few years ago, I need a soft even surface to sleep on.

Anyways, this sleeplessness has led to more than a few late night murder trips just to move around. I get so restless lying in bed with nothing to do but sweat. But because I’ve been so exhausted, I’m not as focused as I could be – I know that – still, it’s fun.

So I wrestling with one of my attackers and he did not get the upper hand but he did have me backed against a wall. Now I learned this trick from Outlander – the tv series, not the books; I haven’t read the books so I don’t know, maybe it’s also featured in the books – of all places. It’s a wonder I’ve never used it before. I stabbed him in the back, under the ribs and in an upward thrust motion. I try my best not to get into a position where I need to stab someone who’s on top of me. But if the occasion ever arises again, I know what to do.

I’m actually quite liking Outlander. It’s a good series. Those too seem to have a healthy love life which is such a rare thing in television. Either they’re never fucking or they’re doing it all the time. I just mean it’s nice to see a couple enjoy one another instead of their relationship being so one-sided. Although, I may be wrong. For all I know the books don’t match up at all. Have any of you dear readers read Outlander? How does the series compare?

Alright, I need to rest my eyes. Seriously. I’m going to take a nap at lunch today. I may not even make it until then. Hope your day is good; mine will certainly drag on.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe