Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/23/17

Have I ever told you about my 21st birthday murder spree? 21 is a huge time in a girl’s life. It’s a time of growth, and change. Even if it’s not a huge legal milestone, we’re still conditioned to celebrate it as a rite of passage into adulthood. This was just before I started writing this blog. I got the idea for it after this night. I wanted to be able to share my experiences without, you know, getting arrested.

My sister and I went out with some friends and got exceptionally drunk. It may have lowered my inhibitions but I certainly enjoyed myself.

It started at the first bar, then the next, then the next. We began the night with 8 friends, ended with 6. One went home. The other was found outside a McDonalds 4 blocks away. I also met some lovely strangers that night; too many to count obviously but there were certainly 5 who stayed in my memory.

The first was a bouncer at a club (that I don’t think is open anymore). It was our first stop of the night so we hadn’t had much to drink but one of the girls was very eager to get the night started right away. I took the opportunity to hold her hair back in the alleyway and scope out my first victim. While Chelsea was busy puking her guts out, I snagged the bouncer as he switched shifts. Quick and painless garroting. Always keep wire in your purse, ladies. It’s so useful.

Then there was the cab driver on the way to our third bar. I poisoned him. Heat activated capsule of boric acid in his coffee cup when he wasn’t looking.

Just kidding – though didn’t that sound cool? One thing on my bucket list is to kill someone like I was a spy in some noir story. Or like a foreign secret agent who shall not be named mostly because I’m unsure of copyright laws.

Anyways, it was way easier. While one of the girls was paying the fare, I slashed a tire and cut some sort of wire – cars were never my thing. He crashed a few blocks later and then was hit by another car when he tried to escape.

Next was the girl sitting next to us at the bar. Just before we left, I poured a cap of bleach into her drink. By that point, we were all too drunk to remember much of anything which made the police’s job so much harder – and our alibis that much easier to make up.

Lastly, there was a couple who worked at a restaurant near one of the girls’ apartments. We ordered food from them and when I stepped out for fresh air not long after, I used the wire (cleaned of course) on both of them; leaving them to be sent to the city dump and – to my knowledge – never be found.

It really was a wonderful night. Not only did I get to spend time with my friends – even if some were more interested in partying than staying together – but I got to indulge and enjoy myself on my own terms. What a night!

Sandra would have been 21 on Monday. There’s so much she’ll never get to do. So many people she’ll never get to be. What should have been a momentous day is still so filled with sadness. You are forever in my heart, my darling.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/16/17

At no point in history do I ever want to see myself as a moral superior. I kill people for sport. I find pleasure in taking other’s lives and I feel no remorse. For all intents and purposes I am a monster in society – albeit a charming and witty one – but a monster nonetheless.

I have prided myself on creating a blog that is the culmination of fantasy and reality. Not every detail is true but there’s enough to offer an insight into my daily life, and it allows me to anonymously vent my frustrations to the world.

In a life that is dark and unrelenting, I need to be reminded of my own humanity. My career and my personal life have been rather chaotic as of late. To tell you the truth, I haven’t had a completely stress-free week since I started killing; but these last few years have been particularly rough.

Losing a child – a loved one – is never easy.

Normally I would use this space to tell you about my latest kill or some ridiculous thing Heather has done this week but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve ignored a lot of world events and avoided talking about politics on this blog but too much has happened lately.

We are as close to destruction as we were at the height of the Cold War. We’ve been like that for nearly 8 months now and it’s only gotten worse. There is so much hate in the world I feel like the only sane one. I don’t know who’s worse: them or me. To kill with reason or without? I don’t discriminate in choice of victim. When I kill, it’s not because I think it’s right or good. I kill because it’s fun and I’m good at it – and if you want to do something right, you have to do it yourself.

I use a lot of humor in my writing because I am so accustomed to death and yes, that does make me a monster; but there are things worse than monsters in the world. There are things I can’t warn you against or protect my loved ones from. Sometimes it’s just over.

The reason I’m writing this is to remind you, my dear readers, to keep going. I would hate to see you stop doing what you believe in because monsters – or worse – threaten your life. But you cannot retaliate. Fighting hate with hate will only make that clock tick faster. Be more resilient than the things that would tear you down.

It’s all quiet on the home front. No more killing today.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/09/17

Short and brief today. Mostly because I am exhausted and it’s bad enough I have to stare at a computer screen all day. The heat wave has been killing me. My sleep cycle is so off and nothing has really helped it. I tried Melatonin, fans, cold compress, I even slept downstairs for a few nights but my neck severely disagreed with that. Ever since that car accident a few years ago, I need a soft even surface to sleep on.

Anyways, this sleeplessness has led to more than a few late night murder trips just to move around. I get so restless lying in bed with nothing to do but sweat. But because I’ve been so exhausted, I’m not as focused as I could be – I know that – still, it’s fun.

So I wrestling with one of my attackers and he did not get the upper hand but he did have me backed against a wall. Now I learned this trick from Outlander – the tv series, not the books; I haven’t read the books so I don’t know, maybe it’s also featured in the books – of all places. It’s a wonder I’ve never used it before. I stabbed him in the back, under the ribs and in an upward thrust motion. I try my best not to get into a position where I need to stab someone who’s on top of me. But if the occasion ever arises again, I know what to do.

I’m actually quite liking Outlander. It’s a good series. Those too seem to have a healthy love life which is such a rare thing in television. Either they’re never fucking or they’re doing it all the time. I just mean it’s nice to see a couple enjoy one another instead of their relationship being so one-sided. Although, I may be wrong. For all I know the books don’t match up at all. Have any of you dear readers read Outlander? How does the series compare?

Alright, I need to rest my eyes. Seriously. I’m going to take a nap at lunch today. I may not even make it until then. Hope your day is good; mine will certainly drag on.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/02/17

This summer has absolutely flown by. I cannot believe it’s August already. I was going to ask the boys if they wanted to go on vacation but we’ve only got a month left before the fall.

Although…

No one is confined to a certain schedule. No one is attending school or has any major plans. What if we took a family trip later in the year? October in Europe might be interesting. Or perhaps a cruise? I’ve always wanted to go to the Caribbean. Now is it Car-i-bean or Cari-bee-an?I think it depends on the context but what do you think, dear readers?

Speaking of my dear readers, I wanted to talk about you today.

I was having lunch with Heather the other day and we started talking about murder. After the incident with her ex-husband, she realized that it had not been my first time handling a dead body – or the discrete disposal of one – so she asked me if I had experience I told her I had.

People who kill together have no secrets. Or at least they shouldn’t.

She knows that I at least kill people or have killed people in the past (enough to be calm in the face of trauma) so at lunch yesterday, she asked me a very interesting question:

How do you choose your victims?

First, I assured her that I’m not some secret government agent or ruthless assassin – although I would make an excellent Black Widow-type…if I hit the gym a little bit more than one a month. Killing is a sport for me. It’s a weekend hobby that I’m quite good at. Most days, there’s no rhyme or reason to who I choose. If they cross my path, they’re a potential victim. But then she said: “but not everyone you choose wanders down a dark alley alone in the middle of the night, how do you get them alone?”

Here’s where you come in, dear readers.

When I say everyone is a potential victim, I mean it. There is no safety in numbers, there is no protection under a streetlight, you’re not safe in a crowded room. If someone is intent on harming you, they will find a way and you are not safe unless you can fight back – and even that is not a guarantee.

The best thing you can do is avoid being careless. Opportunistic killers are much easier to handle. I swim between the realms of “opportunistic” and “targeted” so some of this will apply to my potential victims.

The easiest way for me to trap someone is if they’re walking alone at night. There’s less light, less people, and less awareness of your surroundings. However, I’ve absolutely backed away from someone who was on the phone with a loved one. If I know your absence will be missed right away, I’ll admit, I’m less inclined to take the opportunity. If you’ve been targeted for a specific reason then you’re shit out of luck, sweetie pie. Your loved ones may very well hear you die but that’s how it goes.

If you’re in a group, it is easier than you think to be snatched from the back of a pack. I sometimes do this just for fun. To prove I can do it. The ultimate goal is isolation so if you’re already alone, or you’ve fallen behind from your group, beware. Day or night, it’s not that hard. I will say, if you fight me, there’s a 50% chance I’ll want to kill you more out of spite. There’s no guarantee. Your only hope of survival is to not get caught.

Those of the big ones when it comes to isolating and killing. If you’re alone – or I can easily get you alone – and you piss me off, you’re done for.

Now not everyone who walks alone at night down a dark, deserted alley, will become a victim. It’s a numbers game. You could go your whole life without being murdered.

That was a little joke.

The point is, everyone I pass is a potential target, but that doesn’t mean that everyone will become one. My advice to the living and potentially dead is this: keep going. If you’re going to die at my hands then it will happen no matter what you do. So enjoy your life. Leave good things behind when I kill you.

And as always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/26/17

You’ll be happy to know I opted to confront my husband verbally about his emotional avoidance. At first. It quickly escalated into a physical altercation. We had a tussle in the bedroom on Thursday night and not in a fun way. I told you: if he won’t talk to me, he’ll need to be punished. Really, it was just a lot of shouting and shoving each other around until I pinned him on the floor and he calmed down.

We talked it out, properly. Whenever he tried to deflect I would just kick him in the shins and he did the same for me – like we were children developing communication skills. But it worked; we got it all out in the open and left nothing to misinterpretation. I won’t go into everything we talked about. There are probably some things I should keep private in this family.

I had to give Jason a proper explanation the next morning – I could see a few uncomfortable looks at the breakfast table. I promised I would be completely open and honest if he asked me but I wouldn’t share everything with him. He is my son, not a sounding board; that’s what I have my dear readers for.

Jason’s doing all right, by the way. Has a steady girlfriend, job he’s not in love with but goes to five days a week. By all accounts he’s happy and healthy. I’m more than okay with the fact that he’s thriving without my guidance; but I sometimes feel we don’t have anything to talk about. We don’t talk about my work, James’ work, or family – I stopped asking about Jason’s work when I kept getting the same nonchalant response. These days I barely tell him when he might be in danger because of my actions.

I wanted to share this situation with him as a bridge to open communication. Reaching out to Jason on occasion won’t kill us. It may do us both some good.

And that’s where we are this week: a little tired and bruised but lighter.

I’m glad I talked to my husband first. Who knew communication was so essential to a marriage. That’s a forced joke, I know. Sometimes I don’t know how to end an update. I just keep writing until it feels right even if I have nothing left to say. Like now. I don’t know what else to say but I haven’t quite found the urge to end this update.

Just do it.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/19/17

This vigilante murder is harder than it seems. I forgot that the bulk of humanity is drawn to drama in some form or other. When the average person is killed, the news travels for a day – maybe a week if it was sensational in any way. But the only people who are invested in the subsequent investigation are the family members. When someone horrible is declared missing or found murdered, people want to know why. It’s purely selfish, you see. They want to know if they’re safe. If someone is bold and cruel enough to kill someone who can fight back, what’s to stop them from harming innocent people? That’s why I like killing innocents. There’s not enough public outcry.

It's easy enough to find a victim who has it coming – James has a whole pile on his desk at work and it’s easy enough to keep him distracted. Choosing a way to kill them is just entertaining – this time I chose asphyxiation with a mechanical pencil. Not too gruesome which I hoped would keep the news to a minimum.

I made national news, everyone. It’s been a few years since I made national news. What I thought was a simple gang member prone to violence turned out to be the illegitimate son of a billionaire who issued a reward for any information on the death of his son. The entire city is under scrutiny.

When James found out he was…upset that I’d put myself in danger. I’ve never heard him so sexist. “You’re my wife, I need to protect you.” I think that standoff a few weeks ago affected him more than he let on. I don’t blame him. But if he calls me “his wife” in that pathetic manly tone one more time I will stab him. Nothing that will leave permanent damage but just enough to teach him a lesson. I don’t care if he’s traumatized; if he won’t handle it on his own and he won’t ask for help, then he’ll need to be punished.

I don’t handle crises well. Can you tell? My personal problems are my own but when it comes to others – especially my loved ones – I’m never quite sure if they need discipline, love, patience, or a quick kick in the ass. It’s a bit of trial and error. I’m amazed my boys aren’t more screwed up than they already are.  The immutable power of the human spirit. Or something like that.

My boys are stronger than they seem and I need to trust them. No matter what I do to them. I just hope he talks to me soon. I can’t be held responsible for what I might do if he keeps up this need to take control.

All I did was kill a gang member and make national news, exposing myself to the authorities. What’s so wrong with that?

Alright…I see his point. But I had good intentions and he has no right to speak to me that way.

I suppose I’ll talk to him tonight. Before resorting to stabbing.

Boring.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/12/17

I apologize if my post last week seemed a little overdramatic. I wasn’t in the best emotional state when I found out that my husband might die and in hindsight, writing an update 10 minutes after getting a phone call like that was probably not the best idea. I apologize.

You’ll be happy to hear that James is home safe and sound. Well, relatively safe. He has some superficial wounds on his hands and arms, and the doctor says he’ll have a scar on his left eyebrow – which I find rather dashing – but he’s okay.

I went down to the sight after I published the update and stood as close as they’d let me. I couldn’t do anything but it was better than sitting around waiting. They asked me questions about James – his personality – whether or not he’d try and “play hero”. They didn’t say those exact words but that was the implication. They wanted to know if he’d do something stupid. I told them they had nothing to worry about. That might have been a lie; I had no idea if James had experience in hostage negation or whether he’d keep a cool head in these situations. I know how he is in stressful situations – like living with me – but this was a different world. Not my world.

Two hours of standing and waiting while police worked around me. Then suddenly the door opened and James was ushered out with a gun pointed at his head. After that, it was over in maybe five minutes. The kidnappers were subdued, James was taken to safety, and everyone was safe. He was a hero – at least in a small world, for ten minutes. He got everyone out alive.

He’s been at home recovering since then. I’m told he has a few more meetings before he’s cleared for active duty and I hope that this finally means a promotion. He laid his life on the line and came out a winner. According to one of his fellow officers, he just talked his way out. He talked with the kidnappers until they did what he wanted.

Apparently I could learn a thing or two from my husband. He’s been taking it all fairly well. He says he doesn’t want to talk about what happened beyond what’s necessary. I can understand that. I imagine he’s had to repeat his story a lot. I’m respecting that; which means I’ve made several phone calls to his station and spoken with his coworkers to get the whole picture.

My husband is a wonder.

As overdramatic as I was last week I meant what I said. I didn’t realize how much I…loved my husband until I was faced with the notion that I might not see him again. I couldn’t bear it – I now know I couldn’t – which means I am now more motivated than ever to protect him. I can’t just kill for fun now; I need to help him keep the streets safe. We’re a partnership in all ways. He’s always helped me so it’s my turn to help him.

I’m introducing my own brand of vigilantism. It’s really just strategic murder. Which is a step up from what I was doing before. I suppose.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/05/17

I’m so sorry, dear readers, I can’t focus on an update right now.

Um…

I got a call from James’ captain ten minutes ago.

He was on patrol last night and stumbled onto a robbery in progress which quickly turned into a hostage situation. He saved all of the hostages…

By exchanging his own life.

He’s been held captive since about 10 last night. They’ve been in negotiations since 1. At first they “didn’t want to worry me” but now they don’t know what will happen next. The captors aren’t responding and the police don’t know what to expect if they go in. They said it might not end well.

I’m writing this now so you understand; if I don’t update next week, I’ve died.

I have never been so scared in my entire life.

I married James because it was convenient and I genuinely liked him and he LOVED me. Beyond reason. Years ago, my like turned to love and it became a strange, passionate love.

Like it was written.

I couldn’t do this without him.

Oh god.

Jason. I have to tell him.




Be safe.

Wednesday, 28 June 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/28/17

Well it worked. I ran over a mailman – which is slightly inconvenient but effective. The next day, the city was there fixing the lights. After the police cleared out of course. It proves the working theory that real change doesn’t happen until you take action. That is by no means a suggestion to start a revolution but I find, dear readers, that you have to take what you want. A life, a new job, infrastructural change, you have to make it happen.

This is a very motivational post – which is apparently my thing right now – but I mean it.

I’ve even been trying to implement my new positive attitude at work. I took Heather out to lunch on Friday, just to check in with her. I know living at home and dealing with her ex-husband’s brutal murder – by her – hasn’t been easy but she seems to be all right. We had a nice chat, caught up on work gossip, the usual stuff. But then she asked me: “so who have you killed lately?” And you know what? I told her about the mailman. It felt good to talk to someone about my life – other than you, my dear readers – without fear of repercussions. James hasn’t been there lately. He’s been around but we haven’t talked about our day in weeks. I know we’ve both been busy and we’ve absolutely had conversations but not once this month have we stopped to take an interest in each other. I’m overthinking things, obviously, but when I sit down once a week and think about what’s been happening I start to notice patterns. I’ve also noticed that change is slow.

So I say, keep moving forward, keep learning, act out.

But don’t rebel. That always gets messy.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/21/17

Did you know that banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories? A reader sent me a few random facts to “get me started” on my new project of gaining new skills. Thank you, dear reader, I appreciate the sharing of knowledge. That was probably my favourite fact. It has practical applications. I wondered if banging someone else’s head against a wall would burn as many calories so I went in search of a new victim.

I found a cashier on his break, smoking in the alley behind the store.

While I’m thinking about it: how awesome are alleys? I couldn’t kill half as many people if I didn’t have a poorly lit back way around the city. Speaking of “poorly lit”; the streetlights turning into my neighbourhood have been off for over a month now and the city has done nothing about it. You can’t see a thing. I’ve nearly run over three pedestrians this month and I didn’t want to – I mean I WANTED to but that my intention was not kill them.

Although, maybe if there was an accident in our neighbourhood, the city would come and fix the lights. I know what I`m doing on my way to work today.

Anyways, I found a cashier, turned the calorie tracker on my phone, and tested my theory. You can actually burn more calories banging someone else’s head than hurting yourself. Just think about that next time you’re feeling frustrated.

Also some interesting facts this reader sent to me:

A baby octopus is about the size of a flea when it’s born.

The first alarm clock could only ring at 4am.

I don’t know how useful this information is but now you know something you probably didn’t and this blog, if anything, aims to be educational.

That’s a lie; anything I’ve taught my readers over the years has been entirely unintentional. Although I hope you have learnt something. You shouldn’t walk through life ignorant. That’s the whole point of this new endeavor of mine. Learn something completely new. Don’t be afraid to experiment and ask questions.

This has been a really “feel good” kind of update but you know what? I’m feeling pretty good right now and I’m not ashamed. I’m having a good day and even if someone disagrees, I will still have a good day.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/14/17

You know what I never really got? Musicals. I consider myself a fairly open-minded individual and I would never belittle those who pursue the arts but people breaking into song and dance sporadically is just bizarre. Even more troubling are the people who are in the background dancing along with the main characters. No matter what they’re doing they have to drop everything in order to sing a few notes about a situation they know nothing about. Can other people hear when they’re singing solos? And what about when two people are singing a duet in different places? How do they know they’re even in the right key? And don’t even get me started on the synchronized dance routines.

The reason I bring this up is the same reason I use a blog that my sister had to set up for me.

I am not technologically-inclined.

I’m not incapable of using my smart phone or various aspects of the internet but when it comes to social media, I feel perpetually behind. There’s always something that I don’t catch on to until months or years later. Over the weekend several of my Facebook friends changed their profile photo to include the message “Theatre Inspires” even though I don’t think any of them have been to see a live show in several years. They were following the trend inspired by the Tony Awards. Kevin Spacey hosted? That’s weird, right? I had no idea he was involved with musicals.

It highlighted a blind spot in my career as a murderess. I have a lot of knowledge about some small areas but I need to expand my horizons; learn more about social media, about musicals, about motorcycle repair – I don’t know. If I am going to live and kill in this world, I need to know more about it.

So to you, dear readers, I offer this: teach me something new. A fun fact or skill, something more than I knew before. Help me grow.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/07/17

How is it already June?

This year has gone by so quickly and so much has happened; politically, internationally, emotionally…

Andrew’s death, then Heather’s drama, then all the little things that piled up after that. It’s actually been a fairly lax year compared to others. I haven’t had a deranged private investigator out to kill me, I haven’t been institutionalized in an effort to break my addiction to murder, I haven’t had to deal with the loss of a child, or of a friend. It’s been a fairly uninspiring year in terms of kills. I hate to think that I’ve hit a rut.

The reason I’ve been a little reflective this week is because I got a call from a detective at the local precinct. Apparently, they’re reopening the investigation into the death of our neighbour’s babysitter and wanted to reinterview all of her acquaintances. I don’t even remember killing Cassandra but according to my notes, I was delirious and irritable from the cold meds and I grabbed her on New Year’s Eve and disposed of her body in the woods. Nothing unusual or worth noting but her case has changed hands and the new detective is starting from scratch. Annoying to be sure but it was a nice trip down memory lane. When I say “nice”, I mean depressing. I sometimes wonder why my life has taken this path. I’ve never missed having an ordinary upbringing or my choice to become a serial killer. But I have days where my life feels so boring or routine. Even on the craziest days, it’s just a part of my life. I wonder what my life would have been like if I’d taken a different path. Would I be happier or calmer, or lonelier? Are there things in my life I could be doing better?

This is what happens when I hit a rut. Don’t let me do it again.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 05/31/17

This week’s update is brought to you by the rolling meat cleaver. I’ve used a meat cleaver before – obviously, it’s such a fantastic tool – but last week, James brought me home a rolling meat cleaver. Some men bring home flowers, some bring home useful, personalized items. He’s amazing – as is this tool. It is exactly how it sounds: it rolls, latches onto skin, and just pulls. And bashes. And tears.

It’s so pretty. Like it’s Christmas all over again. But actually fun.

I’ve just been playing with it all weekend. My husband is very pleased with himself – as he should be. I love my present.

Things are just happy right now, I’m in my bubble of contentment right now. Nothing can ruin my mood.


Shit.

I just said that so something horrible is going to happen in the next week or so.

Shit.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 05/24/17

It’s finally summer and I’m loving it. I love the cool breezes, the warm sun, the endless construction zones in which I can hide bodies. I don’t often bury my victims because I like hearing about the discovery and investigation right away. I need to know what areas I need to improve on. Plus I hate surprises – for obvious reasons – and there’s less control when you hide something in a public place.

The only exception is construction zones and wet cement. I learned in my 20s how to operate a lot of the onsite equipment and it does come in handy. I’d like to think that hundreds of years later, they’ll find hundreds of bodies buried under the city and have no idea where to begin.

Summer also means vacation time. James and I haven’t gone away in what feel like forever and we’re absolutely due for a break. I’m going to talk to him tonight about renting a cabin or going out to the beach. Just getting away for the weekend will do us some good. With all that’s been going on lately we haven’t had the easiest time. Not that we aren’t having sex. There’s just…a block. I can’t describe it. But now that the weather is nice, I think some fresh air will do us good.

I hope you are all enjoying the sun. And have a productive week.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 05/17/17

I apologize for not updating last week. I could have updated you on Thursday but why bother? Then it wouldn’t be a “mid-week” update.

Side note: it’s too late to change it now but I wish this blog had a better title. This is so generic.

Moving on.

Last Tuesday night I had to drive down to the police station to pick up my son. Jason was fine but I was asked to drive him home due to trauma. He witnessed a train accident downtown and helped to provide information and context for the paramedics and police investigation. When I came to get him, the officer accompanying him confided that he was quiet and withdrawn and they worried about the effect the accident had on him. I almost laughed but I realize that Jason is dealing with death a little differently than I am.

So when we got home, I opted to talk to him about what was going on. He was quiet on the ride home but as we sat in the driveway, he confessed that the sight of blood now makes him shaky. He wanted to help and did as much as he could but he can’t stop shaking.

Instead of sending him off to bed, I drive to the nearest Denny’s – because at this point it was nearly midnight – where we sat and ate until he felt a little more stable. We didn’t talk except about everyday life; work, friends, school. A little after 4am we finally drove home and we both went straight to bed.

Unfortunately, I didn’t hear my alarm go off the next morning and I was scrambling to make it to work on time. I was late, by the way. The update completely slipped my mind until I was driving home at the end of the day and by then, I didn’t think it was necessary.

I’m sorry I didn’t update last week, I was taking care of my son. Sometimes other things take priority.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Your Mid-Week Update 05/03/17

As I mentioned last week (or maybe I didn’t, I don’t keep track) after Betty’s death, they opened an investigation and a kindly police officer came in to talk to Betty’s coworkers. We were all given Friday afternoon off because of the investigation and potential trauma. Thankfully the weather was actually warm so I took Jason out for drive-in milkshakes and then to that new Power Rangers movie – because my son is not a cliché, and therefore not embarrassed to spend time with his mother.

On Tuesday, the news reported that Betty’s ex-boyfriend was arrested on suspicion of her murder. Apparently they found the murder weapon in his apartment and he had a “violent history with the victim”. It’s not often I actually get to see who would have killed my victim if I hadn’t stepped in. I’m sorry Betty you definitely would have been killed this year. Your ex-boyfriend is crazy.

Still…I have to wonder how they found the murder weapon in his apartment.

I’m sure it was just a similar weapon and they jumped to conclusions. Because the police are a cliché.

I’m so glad James doesn’t read this blog, he’d be upset that I said that.

I’m still not wrong.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Your Mid-Week Update 04/26/17

Many of you commented on my last update asking me to let Betty live and I suppose you’re right. Gaining viewers is a lot harder than gaining victims.

But I already stabbed her in the ear with a letter opener and left her body to rot in a watershed so…oops? I’m not really sorry you guys. I probably should be but it’s done and Betty was probably going to die anyways.

I think the worst part was battling the elements. The weather has been so crazy all this month. It snowed, then it was humid and hot, then it was raining, and now it’s snowing again except it’s warm enough that it melts before it touches the ground. The entire city is just slush. Luke warm slush. Everything is slippery and damp and I hate it.

The mess has made everything inconvenient. Just inconvenient. Do you realize how annoying that is? That’s like Blockbuster only carrying the second best movie.

Ooh I dated myself didn’t I? Meh. You knew that coming in to this update so why am I justifying myself?

I’m rambling, it’s time to go.

Yeah.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/19/17

I’m feeling so conflicted. James thinks I should go through with it but I want your opinion.

I’ve chosen my work victim. Her name is Betty and she works in the sales department. She’s quiet and isolated within her department. From what I’ve overheard, none of the women feel comfortable around her and she gives off a very “odd” vibe. By all accounts she’ll be a very easy kill.

But here’s the thing.

I snuck on to her computer on Friday afternoon and looked at her search history.

She reads the blog.

And she’s even commented on a few.

First of all: PSYCHO! Even I know that it’s slightly psychotic to enjoy the world that I live in. I am not the norm. I don’t hide or supress my dark urges. People who read and enjoy my blog are obviously concealing some serious issues.

Not that I don’t love my readers.

But even you can admit that you’re not here because you’re “normal”.

Which brings me to my second point which is: I NEED THE VIEWERS!

You guys don’t see my viewer stats every week. You are small but loyal readers but emphasis on small.

I don’t want to lose any readers especially if I intentionally kill them off. I’ve often thought about whether or not I’ve accidently murdered a reader. If I have I’m so sorry – although you’re not around to read this so…whatever.

My intention is to murder and to have readers and not kill readers.

But Betty is the perfect kill at work.

James says I should go through with it but what do you guys think?

Would you, as my readers, be okay losing a fellow viewer?

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/12/17

People in cars are idiots. They’re also easy kills. I’ve always known this but sometimes you get to indulge in the simple pleasures in life. Essentially, some asshole cut me off so I followed him into a parking lot and cut his breaks. I wonder if that counts towards road rage statistics or homicide statistics. Both? It’s something I’ve never thought about.

You know what I have thought about? Killing Lydia. Why is it so damn hard for you to follow direction? You have had two weeks to finish those reports and they’re still not done. It takes you four hours to do what it takes everyone else one hour to do. At least Heather’s was always good at her job before we became friends. I want her gone. She’s beyond my patience.

Ugh. She’s too close to kill, I can’t do it. I’ve learned my lesson. But I’d like to kill someone at work. I realize that I haven’t killed anyone in the office since Daniel – for obvious reasons. I know the risks and it’ll require a little more pre-work but I’m making it my challenge for the month.

It’s officially Kill Your Co-Worker Month. Who’s in?

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Your Mid-Week Update 04/05/17

I love feeling that I accomplished nothing only to find that I’ve had a fairly productive week. It’s a little confidence boost that is always appreciated.

I got my taxes done, I had dinner with my husband every night – either at home or at his work – I spent time with Jason, I checked in on Heather and got her settled back into her house, I perfected my screw driver work on a pair of college boys; hint: you’d think it was all in the wrist action but it’s better to lead with the shoulder. There’s more power behind it and you end up exuded less effort. Exuding? Is that the right word? I hate second guessing myself. I know my grammar and spelling isn’t the best on this blog but the idea wasn’t to filter y thoughts. I’m just here to tell you my story. Sometimes I’m too tired to think straight and sometimes I just have nothing to talk about (or I’m not ready to talk about). Like this week. Nothing exciting or noteworthy has happened. That’s not a bad thing and I’m certainly not going to jinx it by saying that I’m happy or settled…

Although I guess I just did.

Fuck.

In any case, I have nothing to talk about and that’s not a bad thing. People are dying, my family is content, work is productive. That’s all. That’s really all.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/29/17

My talk with Heather about getting off of my god damn couch was much more successful than I ever could have imagined. I approached her last Wednesday afternoon and very calmly asked if she’d be willing to stop by her house to pick up her mail this weekend. She was quiet for a moment and then she nodded slowly and agreed to drive over on Saturday.

And that was that. I took her to her house, doorstep piling up with mail, and even convinced her to go inside. I’ll admit, I did a fantastic job of cleaning up but now the living room seemed empty. We didn’t stay long but we were only gone long enough to grab her things and move them back into her own bedroom.

Heather is officially back at home and doing well, from what I hear. I kind of wish I’d gently kicked her out sooner. But it’s done now so things can go back to normal. I’m even back on my regular kill schedule which is just orgasmically wonderful. That is a word that should be a part of the English language for how powerful the imagery is – at least I think so. I’m just so satisfied with being able to go back to committing murder without worrying about anyone else. It’s making things more fun.

For example, I had no idea there were so many nerve endings on the back and thigh area. It was fascinating to see a young man just crumple with a simple jab from my nail gun – which does not shoot like a gun, thank you, film industry. It still packs a powerful punch and telling your husband that you stapled a man to death is just delightful. His face just lit up. He is so adorable when he wants to be. God I love him.

Give me a break, my anniversary is coming up and I might actually get to spend it with my husband. Wouldn’t that be nice?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/22/17

You’d think that at my age I’d be able to confront conflict and acknowledge emotion but at heart I’m still a twenty year old who has no idea how to find a real balance and happiness with life.

Which is why I’m having such a problem telling Heather that she needs to get off my fucking couch.

I am happy to support my friend in a hobby that we both seem to share but it’s time. It’s god damn time she went home and dealt with the fact that she murdered her husband and I’ve been doing all the hard work. I cleaned her house, I reported him missing, I filed all of her paperwork so she could sit on my couch moping for weeks on end. She needs to start doing something productive. And that starts with her sleeping in own bed at home by the end of this week.

I have no other priorities other than getting Heather off my god damn couch by Friday night. Or so help me there will be another murder.

She got toothpaste on the counter and didn’t clean it up. I know that’s an incredibly minor thing but it’s on a list of 400 other minor things that she’s done in the past month to piss me off. She left an empty milk cartoon in the fridge, she’s stopped folding up the blankets on the couch, on more than one occasion she’s “accidentally” walked into my room without knocking. It’s like living with a frat boy and I’m over it.

The boys have been ready for her to leave for a while now but I’ve defended her because she’s my friend and apparently murder is traumatic but now she’s just pissing me off.

I’ve thought about how to approach her and I’ve narrowed it down to two approaches: “Get over it and get out!” or “Hey Heather, I thought we’d drive by your house today and pick up your mail.”

Like I said: the emotional stability of a twenty-year-old. I’d like to go with the latter but something tells me I’m going to end up shouting the former on Friday afternoon before she leaves work.

I promise that’s not my plan but realistically, that’s what’s going to happen.

That’s not my intention but it will happen.

I’m a bad person sometimes.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/15/17

I opened the letter – of course I did. Curiosity finally got the better of me around 4am on Friday morning when I was up thinking about my life to this date. When we had career day in elementary school, I never would have guessed I’d end up with a loving husband, a fucked up child, a deranged woman living on my couch, and two equally murderous jobs.

It’s a copy of her college entrance essay. I’m not going to share it but it was very well written and a very moving piece about her family and her personal experiences. It was 1000 words that made it feel like Sandra was sitting beside me. But I was right: knowing what was in the letter brought back emotions that didn’t need to be addressed at 4am on a Friday. Now I’m just tired and distracted but ultimately quiet.

I don’t like it. I hate feeling mildly out of control.

There’s nothing…there’s nothing else.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/08/17

Things have officially settled. I hesitate to say it because optimism undoubtedly leads to tragedy. It is the arrogance of hope. If I’ve taught you anything in all our years together it’s that arrogance will get you killed. So when I say that things have settled, I worry about jinxing the situation but at the same time, I need to tell you that the situation in my household has reached a plateau and I’m happy about it.

James’ busy schedule has seemed to reach a middle ground where he only works nights three times a week and I actually get to sleep with my husband. It’s not about having sex with him; it’s about the comfort of sleeping next to him. It’s a weird habit where I like sharing in the warmth and touch that we provide each other. I’ve always been used to his unusual hours and having to sleep alone on occasion but the last few months, he’s been working the late shift more and more often. I know it’s because he’s working through his promotion and the late hours are so he can keep me safe which is why I never complain…to his face. I can rant and whine to you all I damn well please. So long as James never learns how selfish I am. But he’s back so I have no reason to complain about it more than I already have today.

Jason is also back to a normal schedule. He’s sleeping more and going to work every day. I even found the courage to ask him about college the other day. I didn’t push him to go to school after his father’s death – and the school was very accommodating when I phrased it so generally – but he’s bee back at school for over a month now and I’m worried about what his future plans are. I know his grades aren’t the best but he has a specialized interest and that has to drive him to do something productive. I hope. I know I shouldn’t push him but it’s alright because he answered me honestly. He doesn’t know. He still has a lot of the same interests but Andrew made him think about what else life has to offer. I will respect his wishes – whether or not they involve college – I want him to be okay. Whether or not I agree with his methods he is working towards that.

Heather is not working towards this coveted “okay” stasis. She is, she’s just going about it very differently. She came back to work full time on Monday and even sassed me which is a very excellent thing. But she’s grown quieter around the other girls in the office – especially Lydia. She’s been ignoring her the past two days and kept her head down whenever people come to my office. She’s still working efficiently and responds with a generally snarky tone whenever someone talks to her; but she’s not instigating conversation. It’s perfectly reasonable to me that she needs a little time to readjust to this much social interaction but I still count it as a win: Heather is sitting at her desk acting like a judgemental bitch and getting everyone’s work done.

Which brings me to…myself. I feel tired all the time. I’m eating a little healthier – since Heather insisted on grocery shopping with me – she’s still living on my couch but I don’t mind it. I’m content. Until I was cleaning out my office desk last night. I do it about every five years and it’s mostly just to shred my outdated paperwork. I found a letter from Sandra in my top drawer. It hadn’t been opened and I don’t remember putting it in there so I assume Sandra slipped it in when I wasn’t looking. I haven’t read it yet. It could be nothing. But it could also be something very important.

If I never open it then I’ll never have to know if Sandra had even more secrets that she never shared.

I’ll get to remember her the way I want to.

Besides, things are going well now. No need to stir up the past.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/01/17

I have to keep this brief, I still have blood in my fingernails and it’s going to take forever to clean them out before work. I’ve seen people spurt blood from their neck in movies and I’ve seen them gush in real life, but this was a whole new level. Tweezers were not supposed to be the most dangerous weapon I used in my career and yet it was surprisingly useful for a close-up kill. Because it doesn’t just poke a hole or slice in a thin line; it’s an open, gapping chunk of neck that just doesn’t stop – hence why I was so unprepared for how much cleanup would be involved. It was a gift from my husband so how could I refuse? He brought me this sweet young woman who was walking home from a bad break up and just needed some company. She was actually very company. She was normal and had normal problems like a sexist boss, and an insensitive ex-boyfriend, and car payments that were clashing with her student loan payments. We had a very nice chat before I killed her. I’d forgotten how nice it is to just sit and talk with someone. It was a nice reminder that the world keeps going and you can move on. Things will get back to normal.

Heather is coming back to work next week. Her mousey temp has been fine but she’s no Heather. I’ve always liked Heather’s work ethic, that’s nothing new, so it stands to reason that when she’s not around I miss her. I still can’t believe I let myself get this attached to my secretary but that’s a whole other problem.

Now I really need to go and scrub before work.

It’s always the little things that will get you.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/22/17

I haven’t had a girls night – a proper girls night – since I was in my twenties. Of course, I’ve never maintained friendships very long because they either die or move on. But when I did, I enjoyed the occasional night of wine and ranting. Sometimes living the stereotype is just fun.

There was one woman, Emma, who persisted especially long. She was extremely outspoken and tended to get very touchy when she was drunk but there was something about her that I found endearing. Perhaps it was her brutal honesty but she’s one who I never – or rarely – thought about killing. That was a startling realization. Since I began my murder spree, I’m continuously looking for a new people to kill and who better than your friends when you’re in need of a boost? Another reason why my friends never last long; why would I invest in a relationship I’m seeking to end?

Heather was another rare exception wherein I imagined her death on almost a weekly basis but she wormed her way into my heart and now she’s too valuable to kill. I mention this because Heather asked me out for drinks “like old times” as if we’ve been going out forever – and that it’s been such a long time since we’ve seen each other. Regardless, I said yes. At this point, I am so anxious for everything to turn transition back to something normal.

On a side note, I am officially a mass murderer hunted by the local police – soon to be federal case, so my husband says. I hate being sought after because it means I need to be unreasonably careful. Not that I’ve gotten many opportunities to kill this week. It’s slowly getting noisier in my house and I can finally breathe.

Jason is starting therapy next week. I may not agree with his decision but I’ll be damned if I don’t support my son in his endeavors. Heather and I went out for drinks on Friday and it was fine. Just fine. Nothing crazy happened and no secrets were revealed. I got her caught up on work gossip, told her about the mousey new temp and encouraged her to come in to as many normal business hours as she could muster so that her  end of med leave wouldn’t be such a shock. So far she’s driven into work with me on Monday and Tuesday and I have hope for today. She’s getting better, Jason’s getting better, I’m…fine.

I know some of you have been wondering about my sister’s birthday dinner last week. I’d say it deserves its own update but I really don’t want to talk about it.


She didn’t fucking show up!

I set up this dinner, arranged it with her PO and emotionally prepared everyone in the house for any eventuality and she didn’t even show up.

“Oops. I forgot.”

She’s the one who asked for this dinner.

I can’t stand her some days – most days. I’m apparently still frustrated at something I should have already known. My sister is an extremely selfish person.

I can’t completely cut myself off from her – she’s my sister – but I can be frustrated.

So I’m frustrated.

And now I’m frustrated for the day ahead because I’ve been talking about the people in my life.

I wonder what ever happened to Emma?

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/15/17

Well, Valentine’s Day was both a successful break and a total bust. I haven’t been out to kill in several weeks now and I could feel the anxiety coming on. I’ve gotten quite good at curbing my natural violent urges but that doesn’t mean I can just stop cold turkey for such a long period of time. I was getting antsy and James could see that.

How he saw it is beyond me – considering he’s barely home these days – but I’m not complaining. I’m just curious. I know that he’s working these extra hours to keep his family safe and work towards his promotion but my god, I have gone to bed without him so many times this month, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to sleep next to him. He’s got a blanket and pillow set up near the living room couch so he “doesn’t have to disturb me”. It’s frustrating.

Regardless of my feelings, James noticed that I was getting claustrophobic and offered me a very thoughtful Valentine’s gift: he babysat Heather while I went out to kill. Such a sweet gesture. However, I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with my husband on the one day we have an excuse to be romantic. But, I still accepted his gesture and went out for an evening of self-indulgence.

After last night, I may have been too desperate to make up for lost time. I think I can officially call myself a mass murderer. I’ll have to look  it up to be sure but I believe it’s just the killing of three or more people over a short period of time (an evening). At least I enjoyed myself. I got home and passed out from exhaustion but I had a good time. One happy coupe and a drunk frat boy later, and I call it a successful but frustrating Valentine’s Day.

I feel horrible, though, because James spent his romantic holiday with a slightly manic depressive murderer. Last week, I decided enough was enough and sat Heather down to talk to her about her behavior. I told her enough was enough and she needed to start moving on. I may have been harsh but I just couldn’t take it anymore. She was moaning around the house at all hours, barely speaking, or sleeping. It was too much to handle. I clearly care less about her well-being than I do my son’s so I feel no guilt or shame in physically shaking a woman out of her hysteria. She crumpled to the floor and cried for an hour before getting up, showering and sitting down at the dinner table with the rest of us. She’s been quiet but responsive and going about normal duties. She even said she’ll go back to work soon.

Except Heather is now on extended medical leave – all thanks to her very understanding supervisor – which means she is automatically off work until at least the end of the month. Of course this means I need to find a temporary secretary, a fact which I have been dreading. I always hate my temps. I hate teaching them, I hate coddling them. I’m going to bring Heather in to train her temp and I’m hoping that having a focus will help with her recovery.

That last bit of business I should tell you about is my sister. Her birthday is on tomorrow and I, in my infinite wisdom, invited her over for dinner tonight. I told her I want to celebrate everything she’s accomplished in the last few months but really I want to check in on her. Honestly, I haven’t thought about my sister in weeks – I’ve been a little busy – and have no idea what’s going on in her life and if I need to worry about her. I’m kind of hoping having her around will be a calm reprieve from the chaos of the month and a half.

Or maybe she’ll make it worse, who knows.

I’ll keep you updated.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/08/17

You know it’s too cold out when even I don’t want to go out and kill. Winter is such a tumultuous time in my line of work. On one hand, it’s too easy. People can die of exposure and fatal car accidents with little effort; on the other hand, frost bite. I like the snow and ice that accompany the bitter weather. I can use snow and ice and still complain about it to my coworkers. The cold, biting air is just a nuisance. A dangerous nuisance.

I couldn’t get my car to start yesterday and Ron said I could work from home which was nice because I hated the idea of braving that weather. However, working from home meant that I got to spend the whole day with my two maudlin serial killers.

In case you haven’t quite grasped my situation, both my son and my secretary/friend have killed someone and I have had to clean up after them. The truly tragic thing is that Heather has killed more recently than I have. Because I’ve been so busy cleaning up her mess. It’s been two weeks and she hasn’t left my house. She spent the first two days curled up on my couch not speaking, or eating, or sleeping. And then she spent a week shuffling around the house, switching between screaming and shaking, and crying and eating. I spent $200 on groceries last week because she just kept eating. And her screaming was barely coherent.  She’s officially on medical leave (courtesy of her very understanding boss) which isn’t far from the truth.

I got the full story out of her last week which is what I expected happened. Her ex-husband ran out of money, got drunk, and decided to take her back forcefully. He beat her and demanded that she quit her job so they could move. After all their years of turmoil – fighting, and leaving, and her cheating, and him cheating – she just snapped. She killed him Saturday night and sat with the body until I found her o Tuesday night. I didn’t talk about this last week but the smell was just unbearable. She was more functional at her house with a decaying dead body than she’s been at my house this past week. She’s now at a place when she’s sleeping, and eating, and showering. She talks but only for five or ten minutes at a time and then she’ll start crying or yelling about “her”. Not me or Heather. This mysterious “her”. I have no idea what it’s about but at least she’s talking. We’ve been slipping her half a sleeping pill to calm her down but for the most part, she’s not dealing with what happened.

 Jason has been handling his recent indiscretion with more ease. He spent a few days processing the situation after his father died and then he went back to work and started talking to me again. And I’m keeping to my vow; no more lies. I won’t tell him everything but if he asks me a question, I will answer honestly. This weekend he asked me if I had ever done anything like he had done and I said “yes”. He then asked if I understood what he was dealing with and said “no”. And then he asked me what to do next and I told him that there were two options: he could work to move on and live with the guilt, or he could learn how to do it better next time.

He’s going to start looking for psychotherapists tomorrow.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little hurt by his decision to cope and move away from the family business. After what happened to Sandra, maybe this is for the best. I told him as much but I don’t think he really understand what happened to his sister. He knows more than he did before. He’s growing up in a way I didn’t expect.

I hope he’ll be okay.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/01/17

I should apologize for last week; I was genuinely in a rush and didn’t know when I would be able to give you an update so the brief breakdown was all I could provide at the time. But now I have a moment to breathe and I can catch you up on…well, everything.

To start with, I went out for drinks with Heather last Friday (or, I guess two weeks ago). My instincts were correct: she wanted to quit. I tried to talk her out of it, I really did, but she told me she would be sending in her resignation the following Monday. She gave no explanation beyond “It’s time for a change.” When she told me, I was upset. I was more than upset. I can’t quite describe the clench in my heart that made me numb on my drive home. Heather has been a constant in my life for so any years I can’t imagine what life at work would be like without her. I’d be stuck with Lydia and that is just unacceptable. Also for other, sentimental reasons which involve me feeling emotions I can’t quite describe.

Come Sunday, I was practically pacing a hole through the living room, dying to find a way to keep. Heather from leaving. Finally, I drove the half hour to her house and knocked on the door at 10pm. Surprisingly, she opened the door immediately but there was something off about her. She seemed quiet and all together rushed. I would find out later why. When she answered the door, she assured me her decision was not hasty but she would discuss it with me on Monday morning. Lo and behold, Monday morning came and Heather wasn’t at work but no email came in all day. I wanted to give her time to realise what a mistake she was making. Tuesday also came and went with no word from Heather so after work last week, I went to check on her.

I…I

I found her at home, covered in a pool of her ex-husband’s blood on her living room floor. I have never been so proud and so horrified for Heather as I have in that moment. That moment where she looked up from her crumpled position in the corner, tears staining her cheeks, eyes puffy from lack of sleep. I don’t think she’d closed her eyes since Sunday night.

Her ex-husband came back into her life a few weeks ago and was decidedly unhappy with newly found independence. His hold on her was stronger than I’ve ever seen and now he’s dead.

Like I said: proud and horrified.

She said she had to. She kept repeating that over and over again. While I cleaned up her mess, while I washed the blood off her walls, while I dragged her into the car while I grabbed my shovel. After all that, she was completely numb. I think her husband attacked her – beat her. I still don’t know how to help her. She’s been staying with me for the past week with no objection from the others. I haven’t forced her to go back to work or talk about what’s happened but it’s been a quiet, somber week in the house.

I can’t believe it’s come to this. There are three killers in my house and I’m comforting both of them.

Heather killed someone.

I don’t mean to gloss over it but I’m still coming to terms with it.

That’s been happening a lot lately. First Jason, then Heather. My worlds are colliding. I don’t like it. This is what I always wanted but not this way.

Definitely not this way.

I must attend to the numb zombies in my living room.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/25/17

I don’t have time to talk right now; I need to grab the shovel, wake up Jason, kick James off of the couch, buy groceries, rehire Heather, and deal with this raging migraine.

You know, it would be logical to write this update later when I have more time and more information to give.

But that’s less dramatic. And what’s the fun in that?

So instead I’ll let you sit with your questions and wild imagination for another week when I’ll hopefully have more time to explain just what the fuck has happened to my January.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe 

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/18/17

The thing I know you’re all wondering about – Jason – is still a work in progress but there has been progress so I haven’t quite lost hope.

He came to me Friday and asked me about Sandra’s final days. Just like that, no prompting, no warning, he just sat down beside me at the breakfast table and asked me what really happened to Sandra. I told him the truth, of course I did. I’m not going to lie to him anymore. About the big things; I’m still his mother, I can lie to him if I want to.

I was late to work but I told him about Daniel’s delusions, Sandra’s recent hobby, and that Daniel got what he deserved for what he did. I didn’t go into detail but he if asked, I would have. I told him that Sandra had urges she couldn’t control and that she knew more than she ever told either of us. Oh, I know there are things my daughter never told me. I wouldn’t expect things to be any different; but the secrets she kept from Jason were always for his protection. You may not think he needs it – especially after what’s happened – but I will keep the tradition going. He will come into his own eventually but until then, I will protect him from my world.

After we had our talk, he apologized and went back up to his room. It was over as abruptly as it had begun. He’s still processing and I don’t blame him, I just hate that it’s taking so long. He’s following his normal routine but he’s not interacting with James or I when he’s at home. It’s frustrating.

What’s more frustrating is that James hasn’t been home lately. He comes home after working erratic hours and goes straight to bed because he’s tired. I don’t doubt that he’s exhausted, I hate that he won’t talk to me about his day. Or about anything. He didn’t even come home Monday night because he thought it was easier to sleep at the station.

You, dear readers, have been my only outlet lately. James hasn’t been around for any of Jason’s struggles. I just feel alone right now. I need to be home for Jason but I can’t stand it; the isolation is killing me but I’m not killing others. I need an indoor hobby to keep my occupied. Suggestions?

Work isn’t really offering any distractions lately. Heather told me yesterday that she wants to get drinks this weekend. According to Lynda or Lydia or whatever I call her, Heather has been quiet lately and I just haven’t noticed. That’s not so unusual; Heather had her own life and own problems and drinks are a good way to vent but they’re not obligatory. We’re friends but I’m not her keeper – if she wants to talk, lord knows she will. But ever since she talked about going out, I’ve had this odd sense of dread. I think Heather’s going to quit. I don’t like this feeling. Do I-do I care about Heather?

I needed a distraction from home but more stress and worry is not what I had in mind.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/11/17

So…I want to start by saying this was not how I expected my week to go but it has been coming for a very long time. When I sat down to start writing this update, I wasn’t quite sure how to process all the things that had happened. You’re going to have to bear with me, dear readers, 2017 is off to a very unusual start.

Jason was quiet for a few days after his fight with Andrew and I wasn’t about to push him but I needed answers. Luckily I still had Andrew tied up in the laundry room. He lost three fingernails before he finally started talking to me but he eventually opened up. I was amazed he hadn’t bled out before that. I’m amazed I didn’t kill him after that.

He has a nineteen-year old daughter that he wants Jason to meet. This means he had this daughter while he was still with my sister. According to Andrew, he just wants all of his children to be together. I…I slapped him. Ha. I slapped him and I walked away. You should be so proud of my self-control. Part of me isn’t surprised that this man is such a horrible human being; and yet, I still can’t believe…my poor sister. He’s put her through enough – so I thought.

Instead, I went upstairs, poured myself a bottle of vodka and watched old episodes of Law and Order SVU. Not the most calming show but I was shaking too much to go out kill and somehow, reminding myself that there are worse people in the world was oddly comforting.

About an hour after that, I went up to check on Jason and found him sitting on the floor, fiddling with his computer system. Over the years, I’ve learned that when he’s anxious or upset, he messes with his computer.

Some people drink, some people create work to distract themselves.
I asked to join him and he invited me in. He worked in silence for a bit and then he started to talk me through his task. I hope he didn’t expect me to retain any of it because I fill out the stereotype of parents who don’t understand technology but it was so…comforting to hear my son talk about something he’s passionate about. That passion tells me that he’s going to be okay. No matter what I or anyone else in this family puts him through he will be okay.

I used to worry that Jason would never like me. We had nothing in common and his reaction to losing his mother was to shut everyone out. This twelve year old boy clung to his sister so tightly and I couldn’t reach him. Besides, I was so focused on Sandra and all of that drama. The girl whose curiosities led her to the truth – and to grow up faster than expected – got my attention more than the boy who kept quietly to himself.

When he lost his sister, I gave him his space but then I realized that it was just the two of us. Without Sandra, he had no one else and, while I will always have James, I needed Jason; the one thing I didn’t wreck.

We hung out for a few hours and then I went to make dinner.

When I say “make” I mean, go out and buy fast food. I was in no mood to cook. I knew James would be home in an hour to keep Jason away from the basement so I left him alone while I grabbed food.

I was gone for less than twenty minutes but when I came back, Jason wasn’t in his room. I didn’t think, I just dropped the food and ran downstairs.

The laundry room door was wide open. And Jason was there. He had his laundry basket on the floor and a pair of scissors in his hand. We keep a sewing kit in the laundry room. He hadn’t seen me yet but I saw the blood on the scissors and on his hands.

Andrew was dead.


I’m back.

Now I want to be clear, I wanted Andrew dead. It solved all our problems and he absolutely deserved it.

But not Jason.

When I finally got his attention, he turned to me in shock, covered in his Andrew’s blood. I froze. And then he dropped the scissors and started to cry and I found my focus.

I didn’t speak, I just led him out of that room and into the upstairs bathroom. I washed his hands, turned on the shower and closed the door – I didn’t lock it; I was very careful about that. I called James and told him it was an emergency and then I started to clean up. I got most of the blood off of the walls and the floor before James got home and he finished the rest while I checked on Jason.

When he didn’t answer my knock, I opened without hesitation. He was sitting in the shower, curled up in a ball with all his clothes still on. I cleaned him up, got him into fresh clothes, and sent him to bed. I don’t think he slept but he didn’t need to see this.

We took Jason’s bloody clothes, the scissors, the chair, and Andrew’s body, packed it into the car and drove about 45 minutes to an industrial park with very loose security. Everything got crushed or incinerated.

Three hours later, it was all over.

That was my Friday.

James went to bed and I tried so hard to stay up in case Jason needed me but I dozed off and when I woke up, he had left for work. I didn’t expect him to go but I called his manager and they confirmed that he was working the front counter. He got home right after his shift, went up to his room, then I didn’t see him for the rest of the weekend. I expected this response. As much as I wanted to sit him down and ask just what the hell happened, I knew that Jason would shut down and get closed off.

What I didn’t prepare for was Monday night when I got home from work. He stopped me in the kitchen and yelled at me – really, honestly, yelled at me. He cussed me out for his mother, his sister, his father, for keeping secrets; he blamed me for everything. Then he walked out of the house and I sat on the couch to wait for him. James got home around 10 and made me dinner, because I’d forgotten, and then went to bed.

He’s been working such long hours lately, I don’t begrudge him for needing sleep. Sometimes, I’d like the company and support.

Jason got home just after midnight, he sat on the couch beside me, and we watched Die Hard because it was the only thing on.

Yesterday, he was in his room when I got home and I suspect the same thing will happen today. I am giving him space. I will not push him. He will come to me when he’s ready. I have to believe that. The alternative is that I lose my son and I will not have that.

I’m still trying to fully understand what happened.

I know what happened but it hasn’t really sunk in yet.

Andrew is dead.

Jason is lost.

I’m screwed.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/04/2017

Happy New Year, dear readers. I hope you had a good holiday. I spent the last four days violently ill at home so I barely got to enjoy the new year or the time off my boss so generously gave me. I’m not even sure who I should be blaming but I killed a teenage babysitter as she passed by the house. The neighbours have two kids and we’ve known Cassandra for several years now.

Well, we knew Cassandra…

I blame the children. It’s probably Lydia; she emailed the office the other day to tell us she had a sick child at home but she’d still be coming in to work because she’s “dedicated to our work”.

Yes, I still check work emails while I’m on vacation. Yes, Lydia is an idiot. Let’s move on.

I was sick and couldn’t enjoy the new year which also meant that when Andrew came calling on Monday afternoon, I didn’t hear the doorbell and Jason answered it. I walked in to the kitchen to see Jason storming out the backdoor. I asked, in my own way, what happened ad Andrew told me that it was “family business”.

So I punched him.

With a knife.

Twice.

I snapped. I hadn’t slept in two days, and I was sick and feverish. I wasn’t in a good mental state.

Long story short, Andrew’s in the basement.

James has been mildly supportive. He’s partially concerned with my health, thinks it’s hysterical, but mostly is frustrated with Andrew for putting us in this situation. I’m inclined to agree with my husband. It’s Andrew’s fault that he’s tied up in our basement.

Since the incident, Jason has been quiet. He says he doesn’t want to tell me what Andrew said because he doesn’t want me to worry.

Which of course made me worry even more. Does that kid not know me at all?

I assume the only way to get the information is to ask Andrew in my own way. Don’t worry, he won’t die, yet.

I’m just glad my son is afraid of laundry or things would get very awkward.

I wonder if James and I should invest in some sort of victim storage room. Near the house but not in the house, for obvious reasons. The amount of bleach that I’ve used on that basement floor is going to damage the property value.

The trials of contemporary murder.

In any case, Jason is upset and I’m upset that Andrew hurt my son so someone is going pay.

I wonder how long it’ll take the Johnson’s to find a new babysitter?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe